Post by doctorpeggy on Mar 5, 2017 12:28:21 GMT
Super Short Contest #19 - Oni: That Woman
Word count: 655
Summary: In which Heiji is very vague, and Shinichi wishes he had better friends.
“Hello?”
“That woman’s a monster, I tell you!”
“Hattori?”
“She sneaked into my room when she thought I was sleeping!”
“What are you talking about? Think a little before calling people. It’s the middle of the night!”
“Kudo, she’s out to get me.”
“Yeah, okay. You can figure it out yourself. I’m going back to sleep.”
“Do you not care for my safety? Some friend you are!”
“Hattori, you’re trained in Kendo.”
“But that woman is a monster!”
“What woman?”
“Her. You know, that woman. The she-devil. The oni-onna!”
“Hattori, what the hell are you talking about?”
“The damn woman came in and fiddled with something on my drawer chest!”
“And why, pray tell, did you let this random woman leave if it bothered you so much?”
“It wasn’t a random woman! It was her.”
“Her. Yes. I know who that is.”
“Finally, you get it!”
“Actuall-“
“What should I do?”
“Uh… call the police?”
“She is the police!”
“Excuse me, did you just say she is the police?”
“Well, her family is part of the police.”
“But you’re part of the police.”
“Yes.”
“Ugh. I’m too sleepy for this. Goodnight!”
“Hey! You’re just going to ignore the fact that the oni-onna sneaked into your best friend’s room?”
“Hattori, you can’t be serious.”
“I am absolutely serious.”
“And you want me to believe that this demon somehow got into your house without a key. Unless, of course, you’re saying that she was a real demon or something. Hey, while we’re talking let me offer you some free advice. Get mental help.”
“Kudo, what are you even saying? Maybe you should get mental help.”
“What?”
“I mean, you’ve been asking all sorts of stupid questions.”
“What do you mean?”
“You should already know all the stuff I’m telling you about that ahou.”
“…Hattori, were you by any chance talking about Kazuha-san all this time?”
“Wait… didn’t you know that?”
“I couldn’t have known that, Hattori, you were too busy calling her an oni-onna.”
“So… how come you figured it out now?”
“I got it around when you said ‘ahou'.”
“That makes no sense.”
“There’s only one woman you would call ahou without hesitation.”
“Okay, now it makes sense.”
“Why am I friends with you again?”
“Tell me what to do.”
“Let me sleep.”
“Aw, come on.”
“I dunno. Check your drawer chest?”
“…Right. Didn’t think of that.”
“If you were anyone else I’d think you were being sarcastic.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“What did you find?”
“Hey! Answer my question!”
“Well?”
“It’s a note. It has a coded message.”
“And?”
“It’s not very creative. It’s numbers-to-romaji. It says ‘come to your favorite okonomiyaki place at eight o’clock’. Do you think it’s a trap? The oni-onna was acting weird last evening.”
“So… you’re going to keep calling her oni-onna?”
“What kind of woman sneaks into her boyfriend’s room in the middle of the night? Of course she’s an oni-onna!”
“Whatever. So, what do you mean by acting weird?”
“She was all like, ‘Oh, Heiji, do you know if there’s something important tomorrow?’ and then she sighed when I said I didn’t think so.”
“Hattori, d’you think it’s her birthday tomorrow?”
“Nope. It was three months ago.”
“How about the anniversary of the day you started dating?”
“Definitely not. That’s next month.”
“Hmm…I wonder if it’s something that’s only special to her. Oh!”
“What?”
“I figured it out. It’s—”
“Tell me!”
“I was telling you. It’s your birthday.”
“Is it? Wait. You’re right, it is! Hey, stop laughing!”
“I’m not laughing at you. I’m laughing because I always forget mine, too. And every time it happens, Ran gives me this look, like, ‘this guy is helpless’ and then shakes her head fondly.”
“Huh. Kazuha does that to me, too.”
“You said Kazuha instead of oni-onna.”
“Shut up.”
“Oi! Did you just hang up on me? Man…”
Word count: 655
Summary: In which Heiji is very vague, and Shinichi wishes he had better friends.
“Hello?”
“That woman’s a monster, I tell you!”
“Hattori?”
“She sneaked into my room when she thought I was sleeping!”
“What are you talking about? Think a little before calling people. It’s the middle of the night!”
“Kudo, she’s out to get me.”
“Yeah, okay. You can figure it out yourself. I’m going back to sleep.”
“Do you not care for my safety? Some friend you are!”
“Hattori, you’re trained in Kendo.”
“But that woman is a monster!”
“What woman?”
“Her. You know, that woman. The she-devil. The oni-onna!”
“Hattori, what the hell are you talking about?”
“The damn woman came in and fiddled with something on my drawer chest!”
“And why, pray tell, did you let this random woman leave if it bothered you so much?”
“It wasn’t a random woman! It was her.”
“Her. Yes. I know who that is.”
“Finally, you get it!”
“Actuall-“
“What should I do?”
“Uh… call the police?”
“She is the police!”
“Excuse me, did you just say she is the police?”
“Well, her family is part of the police.”
“But you’re part of the police.”
“Yes.”
“Ugh. I’m too sleepy for this. Goodnight!”
“Hey! You’re just going to ignore the fact that the oni-onna sneaked into your best friend’s room?”
“Hattori, you can’t be serious.”
“I am absolutely serious.”
“And you want me to believe that this demon somehow got into your house without a key. Unless, of course, you’re saying that she was a real demon or something. Hey, while we’re talking let me offer you some free advice. Get mental help.”
“Kudo, what are you even saying? Maybe you should get mental help.”
“What?”
“I mean, you’ve been asking all sorts of stupid questions.”
“What do you mean?”
“You should already know all the stuff I’m telling you about that ahou.”
“…Hattori, were you by any chance talking about Kazuha-san all this time?”
“Wait… didn’t you know that?”
“I couldn’t have known that, Hattori, you were too busy calling her an oni-onna.”
“So… how come you figured it out now?”
“I got it around when you said ‘ahou'.”
“That makes no sense.”
“There’s only one woman you would call ahou without hesitation.”
“Okay, now it makes sense.”
“Why am I friends with you again?”
“Tell me what to do.”
“Let me sleep.”
“Aw, come on.”
“I dunno. Check your drawer chest?”
“…Right. Didn’t think of that.”
“If you were anyone else I’d think you were being sarcastic.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“What did you find?”
“Hey! Answer my question!”
“Well?”
“It’s a note. It has a coded message.”
“And?”
“It’s not very creative. It’s numbers-to-romaji. It says ‘come to your favorite okonomiyaki place at eight o’clock’. Do you think it’s a trap? The oni-onna was acting weird last evening.”
“So… you’re going to keep calling her oni-onna?”
“What kind of woman sneaks into her boyfriend’s room in the middle of the night? Of course she’s an oni-onna!”
“Whatever. So, what do you mean by acting weird?”
“She was all like, ‘Oh, Heiji, do you know if there’s something important tomorrow?’ and then she sighed when I said I didn’t think so.”
“Hattori, d’you think it’s her birthday tomorrow?”
“Nope. It was three months ago.”
“How about the anniversary of the day you started dating?”
“Definitely not. That’s next month.”
“Hmm…I wonder if it’s something that’s only special to her. Oh!”
“What?”
“I figured it out. It’s—”
“Tell me!”
“I was telling you. It’s your birthday.”
“Is it? Wait. You’re right, it is! Hey, stop laughing!”
“I’m not laughing at you. I’m laughing because I always forget mine, too. And every time it happens, Ran gives me this look, like, ‘this guy is helpless’ and then shakes her head fondly.”
“Huh. Kazuha does that to me, too.”
“You said Kazuha instead of oni-onna.”
“Shut up.”
“Oi! Did you just hang up on me? Man…”