SS 2016 Ai ni Tsuite (On Love) for kkrazy256
Dec 25, 2016 15:21:27 GMT
kkrazy256, Csigabiga, and 1 more like this
Post by Mikauzoran on Dec 25, 2016 15:21:27 GMT
www.fanfiction.net/s/12289647/1/Ai-ni-Tsuite-On-Love
Mikau: Merry Christmas, KK! Surprise! The crazy 18k monster is for you! ^.^; Haha...ha. Yeah. Sorry I went a little overboard like usual. I feel bad that you might feel obligated to read all this. I hope you enjoy it.
Disclaimer: By the way, until nineteen days ago, I knew nothing of real note about figure skating. Honestly, I still can't consider myself terribly knowledge. Anyway, this story has been significantly informed by Yuri on Ice, YouTube, Wikipedia, and a really great TV special called Figure Skating A to Z that was probably done by NHK. I found it on YouTube, and it was a lot easier to understand everything explained in Japanese, even having to look up words, than it was reading the descriptions of all the jumps and lifts and spins in English. ^.^; So if you understand Japanese, I would recommend that. Sorry there are no subtitles.
Word Count: ~18k (Still in the editing process. ^.^
Rating: T
Summary: In order to win a spot in the Suzuki’s civilian skating competition, Kaito has to accept the help of Hakuba. As they spend hours each day practicing together, they begin to open up about past traumas that are still holding them back, fostering a friendship that could serve as a strong foundation for something more.
After two weeks of intense practice, things were finally going well…for certain values of “well”. At any rate, Kaito was beginning to find his balance and be able to skate forward without falling flat on his face quite so much. There were still times when his legs shook like those of a newborn fawn, and he was definitely down far more often than he managed to stay up, but…
“Dammit!” Kaito’s cry of frustration echoed around the empty rink as he collided with the ice for the twenty-second time that evening. Unlike the other times, however, he stayed down, punching the ice to release some of the aggravation that had been building all night.
“Dammit,” he repeated in a whisper, slapping the ice half-heartedly. “I don’t know how the hell I got it into my head that I could do this,” he muttered, giving up and lying down in both mental and physical exhaustion. “Stupid Kaito and his stubborn ego,” he sighed, closing his eyes.
“Kuroba, you’ll catch a cold for sure, sleeping here,” a most unwelcome voice gently cautioned.
Kaito sat bolt upright, and even though Hakuba’s tone and expression seemed to be of genuine concern, he bristled at the blonde detective slowly skating across the rink towards him. “I wasn’t sleeping, moron. I was just…regrouping.”
Hakuba frowned, reaching out a hand to help Kaito up. “May I assume that this is about that civilian skating competition that the Suzukis are holding next month to celebrate the opening of their new rink and to showcase that massive morganite they acquired a little while ago?”
“You may not,” Kaito snapped, ignoring the outstretched hand and struggling to his feet on his own. Unfortunately, just when he needed their help to preserve his dignity, his legs gave out on him, one going forward while the other slid back until he was doing the splits.
Despite Kaito’s protests, Saguru stepped in, pulling the magician up and steadying him. Without releasing Kaito’s wrist or removing his hand from Kaito’s hip, Saguru looked his rival in the eye and suggested, “Why don’t I help you? There are only six weeks left until the rink’s opening, if you’ve really been practicing ceaselessly these past two weeks like Nishinomiya told me when I asked where you’d been lately, and if you’ve only gotten this far, you’ve no hope of qualifying for an invitation to the event.”
“Tch. Like I need you to teach me anything, you snotty—whoa!” Kaito had yanked his hand away from Hakuba, but the sudden force sent him tripping backwards.
Saguru reached out and caught him, resting his hand between Kaito’s shoulder-blades as he held the magician in place and clarified, “I wasn’t proposing to become your teacher, Kuroba. I was offering myself as a partner.”
Kaito’s prickly demeanor fell as confusion set in. He raised an eyebrow at his rival and stared. “Huh?”
“Pair skating,” Saguru explained with a confident grin. “Kuroba, you’re light and flexible enough to do amazing sequences midair. Once I lifted you off the ice, you wouldn’t have to concentrate on balancing or your footwork. I could do it for the both of us while you preform stunning acrobatic feats to wow the audience. If we minimize your actual time on the ice with lifts and spins and tosses and catches, and if I’m there beside you, helping you to balance and steer, you’ll have a much better shot at obtaining a spot in the Suzuki’s competition…won’t you?”
Saguru held out the bait with a neutral smile and waited for his plans to come to fruition.
Kaito gaped at the detective for nearly half a minute, taking into account all that Hakuba had said. In the end, he frowned, still skeptical of the Brit’s motives. “Why would you, thinking that I’m KID, offer to help me gain access to a heist target? This is so obviously a trap that—”
“—No trap,” Saguru promised, gently applying a reassuring pressure to Kaito’s hip where his hand was still helping to keep the magician upright. “Kuroba, if you haven’t noticed, for the past three years since high school, I’ve been actively doing my best to assist you in little ways despite having conclusive, empirical evidence I could have collared you with years ago. So can we please stop with your meaningless denials? It’s tiresome and counterproductive.”
Kaito pursed his lips, squirming a bit at Saguru’s touch. “You still haven’t told me why you’re doing all this.”
Saguru shrugged. “You broke me.”
Kaito’s eyes widened in alarm as his perplexity grew.
Saguru’s grin broadened into a satisfied smirk. “You broke something inside of me, Kuroba, sending me reeling wildly off course. It took me a while to find my center again, but when I finally came out of that tailspin you sent me into, I realized that I’d been blind this whole time. I finally saw things clearly and understood what I needed to do.”
“You’re still not making any sense,” Kaito grumbled, uncomfortable with the blonde’s close proximity coupled with this new knowledge that he’d been responsible for someone’s quarter-life crisis.
“You’re important to me,” Saguru summarized, refusing to back down. “And I’ve taken it upon myself to protect you from yourself and anyone else who might try to harm you. Do you understand?”
“No,” Kaito sighed, carefully backing away so that he wouldn’t fall again. “But let’s stop there with ‘you care what happens to me for some unfathomable reason’ before this all starts to sound too much more like a confession.”
“Very well,” Saguru conceded. “But are you satisfied that I mean you no ill will?”
Kaito shrugged, concentrating hard on skating over to the wall without face-planting.
Saguru followed, overtaking the slow-moving Kaito and turning around to skate backwards in front of him. “So will you accept my help?”
Kaito wobbled over to the exit, and once he was off the ice he turned to spit, “Do I look like I have much choice here?” back at the detective. “But this doesn’t mean that I owe you, got it? You’re the one forcing yourself on me, so don’t come back saying that I owe you later, okay?”
Saguru’s brow furrowed at the bruised pride so evident in Kaito’s curt words and vicious glare. He pursed his lips and responded soothingly. “Of course not, Kuroba. I wouldn’t dream of holding something like this over you. Friends don’t do that.”
The hostility dropped off of Kaito’s face slowly as he processed Hakuba’s words. He frowned as guilt began to well up inside.
“I, at least, have always thought of us as friends, yes,” Saguru answered Kaito’s unvoiced question. “Whether you do or not is irrelevant. Either way, I’m happy to help. Shall we meet here tomorrow evening to go over some basics and iron out our plan of attack?” Saguru suggested, coming off the ice and starting back towards the locker rooms.
“Uh…Un,” Kaito replied awkwardly, feeling both humiliated that he needed Hakuba’s help in the first place and ashamed that he’d acted like such a jerk while Hakuba undisputedly held the higher ground. “See ya tomorrow,” he muttered to Hakuba’s receding back.
“I was watching a little bit yesterday before I called out to you, so I have a general idea of your capabilities,” Saguru confessed as they headed out onto the ice the following afternoon. “But what exactly do you feel confident doing?”
Kaito flushed, running a hand through his hair as he shrugged. “Basically just skating forward…if I concentrate really hard,” he admitted. “I can generally stay up if I’m moving forward, but…I can’t go backwards or stay in one place for very long without landing on my face.”
Saguru nodded. “Show me?”
With a nervous shrug, Kaito pushed forward, skating away intently before turning around and coming back on shaky legs. He caught the wall and sheepishly glanced at Hakuba. “Well? Be honest. I already know I suck.”
“And it’s driving you nuts because you’re accustomed to excelling at everything,” Saguru hummed thoughtfully.
Kaito rolled his eyes, rubbing the back of his neck as he held onto the wall for balance. “That’s about the size of it.”
“You’re a little stiff, but that can be fixed,” Saguru assessed. “The sooner you accept that you’re not an expert at skating and that that’s okay, normal, and nothing to be ashamed of, the easier this whole process is going to be, Kuroba.”
Kaito clicked his tongue. “Easy for you to say; you’re used to mediocrity.”
Saguru came over to lean on the wall next to his partner as he informed the magician, “I am now. Before I met you and got my ego handed to me in fragments, I too had an inflated opinion of myself. You put me through the emotional wringer, Kuroba. All I’m asking of you is to learn a little humility.”
Kaito winced, realizing how badly he’d put his foot in his mouth. “…Sorry, Hakuba. ‘Self-centered jerk’ is kind of my default setting. I’ll try to keep a handle on it, but feel free to call me out when I slip up.”
“You’re a self-centered jerk.” Saguru patted Kaito on the back with a friendly grin. “Shall we move on?”
Kaito reluctantly grunted his acquiescence.
“Good.” Saguru kept up the cheery demeanor. “Besides, after a great deal of practice, I believe you have the potential to be a competent skater, so there’s really no need for you to sulk and pout now. Just put the work in, have some patience, and you’ll be passable before you know it. Now.” Saguru clapped, drawing their attention back to the task at hand. “Skate towards me,” he instructed, pushing off and skating backwards toward the center of the rink.”
Kaito did as requested, slowly making his way after Hakuba.
“Glide more,” Saguru suggested, studying his partner’s movements. “Your steps are too mincing. You don’t walk on the ice, Kuroba; you push off and glide. It’s a lot like skiing or rollerblading—two sports I’m certain you’re proficient in. Just tell yourself that it’s no different.”
Kaito nodded, attempting to follow Hakuba’s directions and pretend he was on the slopes instead. Somehow the one little fact that he was on ice made all of the difference.
“That’s better. Keep coming,” Saguru encouraged. “Good job, Kuroba! Can you come to a stop?”
Kaito did so, stopping a few feet in front of Saguru and teetering back and forth as he tried to maintain his balance.
Saguru came to his side, placing his hands on Kaito’s waist to steady him. “Much better,” he praised with a big smile for his partner. “You’re still trying too hard, but at least now you look less awkward.”
“If I don’t try at least that hard, I end up kissing ice,” Kaito snorted. “How am I supposed to get by on less than that, do you think?”
Saguru bit the inside of his cheek as he searched for the words to explain. Absentmindedly he played with the hem of Kaito’s shirt. “It’s like…when you’re in the water and you start to go under, you’ll only sink faster if you fight and thrash. The answer is to spread your arms out and float, letting the water support you. Right now, Kuroba, you’re fighting the ice. It’s like you don’t trust it, like you’re afraid that it’s going to split open and swallow you up. You need to stop being so tense. If you can just relax and stop overcorrecting, you’ll find things much easier.”
Kaito looked away, gently pulling his shirt hem out of Saguru’s fingers. “How do I know it’s not gonna break and swallow me?” he mumbled.
Saguru blinked, studying Kaito intently for a moment. Even though the question had been posed in a bit of a sarcastic tone, he detected the slightest hint of sincere fear in Kaito’s words.
“Even if it does break open,” Saguru gently assured, “I’ll be right there next to you, and I won’t let you sink. I’ll be there to protect you.”
Kaito turned back, meeting Saguru’s confident gaze. He raised an eyebrow and scoffed, “Am I supposed to swoon now and sigh, ‘My hero!’?”
Saguru smiled sheepishly. “I suppose not?”
Kaito shook his head. “What host club did you steal those lines from? Geez.”
“You’re one to talk what with the rot you spew as KID,” Saguru reminded the thief of his own tendencies.
“Point,” Kaito conceded. “But I don’t need to be protected, okay? …And if I do fall in and I’m not breathing when you pull me out, just let me die. If I get resuscitated and find out you gave me mouth to mouth, I’ll have to commit seppuku anyway, so don’t waste your time.”
“Noted,” Saguru sighed. “But shall we get back to practice now?”
Kaito shrugged indifferently as Hakuba gradually let go, allowing Kaito to attempt to balance on his own.
Saguru skated backwards a little ahead of Kaito, motioning for him to follow. “Remember what I told you. Relax and pretend that you’re rollerblading, Kuroba. Glide.”
Kaito slowly skated after Hakuba, trying to keep everything the blonde had said in mind while simultaneously attempting to shut out the other thoughts that had been plaguing him from youth.
“Use your core to balance, Kuroba, not your legs,” Saguru advised.
“You’re still trying too hard. Relax,” he gently coached several minutes later.
Praises of “Good job!”, “Nice, Kuroba”, and “Much better” were interspersed with critiques including “Don’t look at your feet so much” and “Just move your arms naturally” until almost an hour later Kaito was able to cautiously skate around the entire rink without wiping out.
“Excellent job!” Saguru cheered, clapping Kaito on the shoulder and then reflexively putting an arm out around Kaito’s waist to catch him when the clap knocked the magician off balance.
Steadying himself against the wall, Kaito bit his lip and looked back at his partner. It took him a minute to swallow his pride, but eventually he managed to mutter, “Thanks, Hakuba.”
“Don’t mention it,” Saguru waved Kaito’s thanks away. “I’m the one that almost knocked you over in the first place.”
“I meant…” Kaito looked down at his feet. “…for your time. I appreciate you being so patient and explaining things over and over. Thank you for working with me.”
Saguru smiled as he realized he was finally breaking through to Kaito and gaining ground. “You’re sincerely welcome, Kuroba.”
Kaito exited the rink and, without turning back, added over his shoulder, “And sorry for always being such a jerk to you all these years. I misjudged you.”
“Not a problem,” Saguru assured with a wide grin. He wished Kaito hadn’t turned his back towards Saguru, though. Saguru could see from behind how red the tips of Kaito’s ears were, and he would have liked to have caught a glimpse of Kaito’s carnation red face as he finally let go of his enormous pride and admitted he’d been wrong.
Back in the locker room as they were putting their shoes on, Saguru pulled out a tablet from his bag. “So, before we call it quits for the day, I’d like to show you a few clips to give you a better idea of what I have planned in the future once you’re more comfortable with the basics.”
Kaito scooted closer on the bench, holding his breath as the video loaded.
“This is Yu Xiaoyu and her partner Jin Yang several years back skating to a Phantom of the Opera medley,” Saguru explained, handing the tablet to Kaito. “Watch the lifts they do in the latter half in particular.”
Kaito nodded, his eyes widening as the skaters took off, executing beautiful footwork and jumps. “Geez,” he whispered. “I can’t do that.”
“Yet,” Saguru countered. “And don’t worry. We won’t be doing so many individual elements like side by side jumps and spins. We’ll mostly be sticking close together and preforming a lot of lifts and carries and pair spins. I also want to try—Oh. Watch this death spiral.”
“Death spiral?” Kaito gaped as he watched Jin Yang spin Xiaoyu around in a circle with her head less than a foot from the ice. “I can see why they would call it a death spiral, but why would they actually call it a death spiral? Isn’t that a little demoralizing?”
Saguru gave a little shrug. “Usually the woman’s body is closer to parallel with the ice than in this performance. I’ll show you some others at a later date, but you’re going to be able to do a death spiral before we’re done.”
Kaito scoffed at that, going back to concentrating on the routine on screen.
“That is a pair spin,” Saguru pointed out. “We’ll be doing a few of those. Don’t get me wrong, it’s far from easy, but at least I’ll be there to help guide you and keep your balance. Flexibility shouldn’t be an issue. I have no doubt in my mind that you’ll be able to reach back, grab your free skate, and draw it in towards your head.”
Kaito shrugged, standing up, balancing on one leg, and reaching back to pull his foot to his head like they had seen in the video. Coming out of the pose, he shrugged again, taking his seat. “Yeah. No, the whole balancing while on the ice part is the problem.”
“We’ll make it through somehow, Kuroba. It will just take a lot of practice. But watch this twist lift,” Saguru instructed as Jin Yang tossed Xiaoyu into the air and caught her after she had spun several times. He placed her back down backwards on one leg while her other arched gracefully behind her.
“Crap,” Kaito hissed. “You’re not gonna tell me you’re going to try to throw me in the air like that, are you?”
“Precisely,” Saguru chuckled, beaming. “Don’t worry. Keep in mind that the only problem in your case is the ice. Once I throw you into the air, all you have to do is hold your body in the correct position. You have an almost total mastery over your body, Kuroba. This will be a cinch for you.”
“What about the landing?” Kaito grumbled nervously. “There’s no way I can land on one foot and glide backwards while keeping the other leg up like that. I’m going to fall and break my nose.”
“The landing is assisted, Kuroba,” Saguru assured. “I’ll catch you and set you down gently. You just have to hold your leg up and look elegant. I assume you’ll be crossdressing for this event, so I don’t imagine that will be an issue.”
Kaito shrugged and turned back to the screen.
“Watch this next move. I want to try this too, if at all possible.”
“Hell no!” Kaito squeaked. “He threw her! There’s no way I’m letting you throw me through the air. I’ll break my ankle trying to land like that!”
“We’ll see. It’s definitely one of the more difficult moves I want to try with you, but… We’ll see how you do with the twist lift landing and everything, and then we’ll see if we can’t try a throw jump.”
Kaito sighed, feeling utterly overwhelmed. He brightened a bit, however, as Jin Yang lifted Xiaoyu over his head and she began to execute a series of acrobatic moves. “That,” He pointed to the screen triumphantly. “That, I can definitely do. Is that what you were talking about, Hakuba? Lifts?”
“That’s right,” the blonde affirmed.
Kaito frowned, having second thoughts. “Do you really think you’ll be able to hold me up and balance while you skate with me moving around in the air like that?”
“You’re not that heavy, Kuroba,” Saguru chuckled. “And I’m stronger than I look. Besides, we’ll practice and get it down.”
Kaito pursed his lips. “I don’t know about this, Hakuba. Some of those stunts look really dangerous. I have no idea what I’m doing, and I know I’m going to be too nervous to try because I’ll be worried about slashing your face open with my skates.”
Saguru snickered softly at this and tried to calm his partner. “It’s hard to imagine you of all people nervous about anything, but we’ll be practicing on tumbling mats for some time before I allow you anywhere near my head, spinning around with knives attached to your feet, Kuroba. Don’t stress about it so much.”
Kaito took a deep breath and nodded.
“Just worry about remembering everything we went over today,” Saguru advised as he packed up his tablet and skates. “And core work. I can tell you work out regularly, but I want you to pay special attention to building strength in your abs, back, and glutes as we train. That should help with your stability on ice. Tomorrow we’ll review skating forward and start working on skating backward.”
“If you say so,” Kaito sighed, still skeptical.
“That’s it. Keep coming, Just move your feet in and out like you’re making an S,” Saguru coached on day three as they reviewed skating backwards.
It was going more slowly than skating forwards had, and Saguru was having to remind himself often just to be patient as Kaito kept making the same mistakes.
“Bend your knees. You’ll only fall if you lock them,” Saguru repeated for the fifth time, seconds before Kaito came crashing down on the ice.
Saguru pursed his lips and mentally scolded himself, “Be supportive. He’ll only blow up at you and refuse to cooperate if you lose patience with him now. He is trying. He has to be trying.”
Hakuba skated over to Kaito’s side and offered his partner a hand up. “Are you all right, Kuroba?”
Kaito nodded, readily accepting assistance, no longer bothering to pretend he didn’t need Saguru’s help. “Sorry I keep screwing up. I’m just not with it today for some reason, but I’ll do better, so…” He got ready to try again.
“Hold on.” Saguru reached out, putting a hand on Kaito’s forearm. “Kuroba, your head always seems to be a mess, and it’s keeping you from doing your best. Would you care to tell me what’s going on? Maybe I could help somehow, because the way things are now, you’re still stiff and unnatural, and it almost seems like you’re afraid of the ice. How can I help you to relax? What can I do?”
Kaito bit his lip, hesitating for a moment before motioning Saguru to come off the ice and sit on the bench with him.
“If you laugh, I’m going to kill you and I’ll never tell you anything else ever again,” Kaito cautioned with a warning glare.
“Kuroba, friends don’t laugh at each other like that,” Saguru gently assured. “Feel free to tell me anything.”
Kaito looked down at his feet and took a deep breath. “You know how I’m afraid of f-fish?”
Saguru nodded.
“Well, it started when I was really little. I was with my dad, touring—I forget where, if it was Michigan or Canada or someplace—but I went out on the pond near where we were staying, and it must not have been very far into winter yet because the water hadn’t frozen over completely. I fell in, so…fish and ice and almost dying are all tied up in the same trauma for me,” he confessed, beginning to tremble at the memory. “So that’s why I can’t just chillax. Every time I go out on the ice, I start to panic because I remember the cold and the darkness, those slimy things all over me and my lungs burning as they filled with frigid water.”
Saguru placed a hand on Kaito’s shoulder, lightly massaging. “Then I have to commend you, Kuroba, for facing your fears every time you step out onto the ice. You’re incredibly brave, and I don’t know whether I’d be able to do the same thing in your shoes. You should be proud of how far you’ve come.”
Kaito leaned into Saguru’s touch, closing his eyes. “I still feel like an idiot, though. My head knows that the ice on a rink isn’t going to break on me, but my gut always whispers, ‘What if?’”
“You’re far from idiotic, despite what Aoko-san says,” Hakuba assured. “Everyone has something that’s hard for them to face. For me, it’s a fear that I’m unlovable and that everyone is going to abandon me. It doesn’t matter that our fears are a bit unreasonable; they’re still very real to us. And everyone has something like that, so no one has the right to give you trouble over it. Please try to remember that.”
Kaito opened one of his eyes into a slit to study Saguru’s expression. He opened his mouth to say something, but Saguru unintentionally cut him off as he put his other hand to work massaging, and Kaito closed his eyes once more with a weary sigh.
“But what can we do to get you relaxed enough to work through your fears?” Saguru hummed pensively.
“This is good,” Kaito mumbled, enjoying the light pressure. “And it helps when I can see you in front of me. I was able to do so well with skating forward the past two days because you were always there in front of me, so I felt a little more secure. Skating backwards has been so hard because no one’s there to reassure me, so I start to panic and retreat into my own thoughts…which aren’t very helpful.”
Saguru nodded. “It sounds like exposure therapy is our best bet, but until you get used to skating and subconsciously learn that you’re safe and that nothing bad is going to happen while you’re on the ice, I can make sure I’m always visible so you have something else to focus on. Would that help?”
“Can shoulder rubs become a regular thing too?” Kaito purred as Saguru’s fingers kneaded at stiff spot.
Saguru managed to hold in the laugh threatening to break through, but he couldn’t stop a smile from showing. “Of course. If it helps.”
“It helps,” Kaito affirmed, savoring the calm and pleasure Saguru’s hands evoked.
“Well then, how about I give you a nice back rub, and then we’ll head back out onto the ice for another twenty minutes or so and try you skating backwards while I skate forwards in front of you so that I’m in your line of vision? Then we can spend the rest of our time in the gym on the mats working on some lifts. I want to start practicing so we can begin to work them in once you’re comfortable with the basic elements.”
“Un,” Kaito responded absentmindedly, too wrapped up in the massage to fully process the plan at that moment.
“Good.” Saguru did allow himself a light chuckle this time. “And, Kuroba?”
“Hm?” Kaito lazily opened one eye.
“Thank you so much for having faith enough to share that with me.”
Kaito’s other eye opened, and he smiled sheepishly. “You’re the one who earned my trust."
...
Mikau: All right. One down. Probably three or four more to go. What did you think? Hopefully you liked it. ^.^; I'm going to try to get the other chapters up before the turn in period ends, but I've still got a lot of editing to do, and this week is going to be a bit of a "Hell Week" for my new project at the firm. I'll do my best to get it all up as soon as possible, though.
Mikau: Merry Christmas, KK! Surprise! The crazy 18k monster is for you! ^.^; Haha...ha. Yeah. Sorry I went a little overboard like usual. I feel bad that you might feel obligated to read all this. I hope you enjoy it.
Disclaimer: By the way, until nineteen days ago, I knew nothing of real note about figure skating. Honestly, I still can't consider myself terribly knowledge. Anyway, this story has been significantly informed by Yuri on Ice, YouTube, Wikipedia, and a really great TV special called Figure Skating A to Z that was probably done by NHK. I found it on YouTube, and it was a lot easier to understand everything explained in Japanese, even having to look up words, than it was reading the descriptions of all the jumps and lifts and spins in English. ^.^; So if you understand Japanese, I would recommend that. Sorry there are no subtitles.
Word Count: ~18k (Still in the editing process. ^.^
Rating: T
Summary: In order to win a spot in the Suzuki’s civilian skating competition, Kaito has to accept the help of Hakuba. As they spend hours each day practicing together, they begin to open up about past traumas that are still holding them back, fostering a friendship that could serve as a strong foundation for something more.
Ai ni Tsuite (On Love)
Chapter One
After two weeks of intense practice, things were finally going well…for certain values of “well”. At any rate, Kaito was beginning to find his balance and be able to skate forward without falling flat on his face quite so much. There were still times when his legs shook like those of a newborn fawn, and he was definitely down far more often than he managed to stay up, but…
“Dammit!” Kaito’s cry of frustration echoed around the empty rink as he collided with the ice for the twenty-second time that evening. Unlike the other times, however, he stayed down, punching the ice to release some of the aggravation that had been building all night.
“Dammit,” he repeated in a whisper, slapping the ice half-heartedly. “I don’t know how the hell I got it into my head that I could do this,” he muttered, giving up and lying down in both mental and physical exhaustion. “Stupid Kaito and his stubborn ego,” he sighed, closing his eyes.
“Kuroba, you’ll catch a cold for sure, sleeping here,” a most unwelcome voice gently cautioned.
Kaito sat bolt upright, and even though Hakuba’s tone and expression seemed to be of genuine concern, he bristled at the blonde detective slowly skating across the rink towards him. “I wasn’t sleeping, moron. I was just…regrouping.”
Hakuba frowned, reaching out a hand to help Kaito up. “May I assume that this is about that civilian skating competition that the Suzukis are holding next month to celebrate the opening of their new rink and to showcase that massive morganite they acquired a little while ago?”
“You may not,” Kaito snapped, ignoring the outstretched hand and struggling to his feet on his own. Unfortunately, just when he needed their help to preserve his dignity, his legs gave out on him, one going forward while the other slid back until he was doing the splits.
Despite Kaito’s protests, Saguru stepped in, pulling the magician up and steadying him. Without releasing Kaito’s wrist or removing his hand from Kaito’s hip, Saguru looked his rival in the eye and suggested, “Why don’t I help you? There are only six weeks left until the rink’s opening, if you’ve really been practicing ceaselessly these past two weeks like Nishinomiya told me when I asked where you’d been lately, and if you’ve only gotten this far, you’ve no hope of qualifying for an invitation to the event.”
“Tch. Like I need you to teach me anything, you snotty—whoa!” Kaito had yanked his hand away from Hakuba, but the sudden force sent him tripping backwards.
Saguru reached out and caught him, resting his hand between Kaito’s shoulder-blades as he held the magician in place and clarified, “I wasn’t proposing to become your teacher, Kuroba. I was offering myself as a partner.”
Kaito’s prickly demeanor fell as confusion set in. He raised an eyebrow at his rival and stared. “Huh?”
“Pair skating,” Saguru explained with a confident grin. “Kuroba, you’re light and flexible enough to do amazing sequences midair. Once I lifted you off the ice, you wouldn’t have to concentrate on balancing or your footwork. I could do it for the both of us while you preform stunning acrobatic feats to wow the audience. If we minimize your actual time on the ice with lifts and spins and tosses and catches, and if I’m there beside you, helping you to balance and steer, you’ll have a much better shot at obtaining a spot in the Suzuki’s competition…won’t you?”
Saguru held out the bait with a neutral smile and waited for his plans to come to fruition.
Kaito gaped at the detective for nearly half a minute, taking into account all that Hakuba had said. In the end, he frowned, still skeptical of the Brit’s motives. “Why would you, thinking that I’m KID, offer to help me gain access to a heist target? This is so obviously a trap that—”
“—No trap,” Saguru promised, gently applying a reassuring pressure to Kaito’s hip where his hand was still helping to keep the magician upright. “Kuroba, if you haven’t noticed, for the past three years since high school, I’ve been actively doing my best to assist you in little ways despite having conclusive, empirical evidence I could have collared you with years ago. So can we please stop with your meaningless denials? It’s tiresome and counterproductive.”
Kaito pursed his lips, squirming a bit at Saguru’s touch. “You still haven’t told me why you’re doing all this.”
Saguru shrugged. “You broke me.”
Kaito’s eyes widened in alarm as his perplexity grew.
Saguru’s grin broadened into a satisfied smirk. “You broke something inside of me, Kuroba, sending me reeling wildly off course. It took me a while to find my center again, but when I finally came out of that tailspin you sent me into, I realized that I’d been blind this whole time. I finally saw things clearly and understood what I needed to do.”
“You’re still not making any sense,” Kaito grumbled, uncomfortable with the blonde’s close proximity coupled with this new knowledge that he’d been responsible for someone’s quarter-life crisis.
“You’re important to me,” Saguru summarized, refusing to back down. “And I’ve taken it upon myself to protect you from yourself and anyone else who might try to harm you. Do you understand?”
“No,” Kaito sighed, carefully backing away so that he wouldn’t fall again. “But let’s stop there with ‘you care what happens to me for some unfathomable reason’ before this all starts to sound too much more like a confession.”
“Very well,” Saguru conceded. “But are you satisfied that I mean you no ill will?”
Kaito shrugged, concentrating hard on skating over to the wall without face-planting.
Saguru followed, overtaking the slow-moving Kaito and turning around to skate backwards in front of him. “So will you accept my help?”
Kaito wobbled over to the exit, and once he was off the ice he turned to spit, “Do I look like I have much choice here?” back at the detective. “But this doesn’t mean that I owe you, got it? You’re the one forcing yourself on me, so don’t come back saying that I owe you later, okay?”
Saguru’s brow furrowed at the bruised pride so evident in Kaito’s curt words and vicious glare. He pursed his lips and responded soothingly. “Of course not, Kuroba. I wouldn’t dream of holding something like this over you. Friends don’t do that.”
The hostility dropped off of Kaito’s face slowly as he processed Hakuba’s words. He frowned as guilt began to well up inside.
“I, at least, have always thought of us as friends, yes,” Saguru answered Kaito’s unvoiced question. “Whether you do or not is irrelevant. Either way, I’m happy to help. Shall we meet here tomorrow evening to go over some basics and iron out our plan of attack?” Saguru suggested, coming off the ice and starting back towards the locker rooms.
“Uh…Un,” Kaito replied awkwardly, feeling both humiliated that he needed Hakuba’s help in the first place and ashamed that he’d acted like such a jerk while Hakuba undisputedly held the higher ground. “See ya tomorrow,” he muttered to Hakuba’s receding back.
“I was watching a little bit yesterday before I called out to you, so I have a general idea of your capabilities,” Saguru confessed as they headed out onto the ice the following afternoon. “But what exactly do you feel confident doing?”
Kaito flushed, running a hand through his hair as he shrugged. “Basically just skating forward…if I concentrate really hard,” he admitted. “I can generally stay up if I’m moving forward, but…I can’t go backwards or stay in one place for very long without landing on my face.”
Saguru nodded. “Show me?”
With a nervous shrug, Kaito pushed forward, skating away intently before turning around and coming back on shaky legs. He caught the wall and sheepishly glanced at Hakuba. “Well? Be honest. I already know I suck.”
“And it’s driving you nuts because you’re accustomed to excelling at everything,” Saguru hummed thoughtfully.
Kaito rolled his eyes, rubbing the back of his neck as he held onto the wall for balance. “That’s about the size of it.”
“You’re a little stiff, but that can be fixed,” Saguru assessed. “The sooner you accept that you’re not an expert at skating and that that’s okay, normal, and nothing to be ashamed of, the easier this whole process is going to be, Kuroba.”
Kaito clicked his tongue. “Easy for you to say; you’re used to mediocrity.”
Saguru came over to lean on the wall next to his partner as he informed the magician, “I am now. Before I met you and got my ego handed to me in fragments, I too had an inflated opinion of myself. You put me through the emotional wringer, Kuroba. All I’m asking of you is to learn a little humility.”
Kaito winced, realizing how badly he’d put his foot in his mouth. “…Sorry, Hakuba. ‘Self-centered jerk’ is kind of my default setting. I’ll try to keep a handle on it, but feel free to call me out when I slip up.”
“You’re a self-centered jerk.” Saguru patted Kaito on the back with a friendly grin. “Shall we move on?”
Kaito reluctantly grunted his acquiescence.
“Good.” Saguru kept up the cheery demeanor. “Besides, after a great deal of practice, I believe you have the potential to be a competent skater, so there’s really no need for you to sulk and pout now. Just put the work in, have some patience, and you’ll be passable before you know it. Now.” Saguru clapped, drawing their attention back to the task at hand. “Skate towards me,” he instructed, pushing off and skating backwards toward the center of the rink.”
Kaito did as requested, slowly making his way after Hakuba.
“Glide more,” Saguru suggested, studying his partner’s movements. “Your steps are too mincing. You don’t walk on the ice, Kuroba; you push off and glide. It’s a lot like skiing or rollerblading—two sports I’m certain you’re proficient in. Just tell yourself that it’s no different.”
Kaito nodded, attempting to follow Hakuba’s directions and pretend he was on the slopes instead. Somehow the one little fact that he was on ice made all of the difference.
“That’s better. Keep coming,” Saguru encouraged. “Good job, Kuroba! Can you come to a stop?”
Kaito did so, stopping a few feet in front of Saguru and teetering back and forth as he tried to maintain his balance.
Saguru came to his side, placing his hands on Kaito’s waist to steady him. “Much better,” he praised with a big smile for his partner. “You’re still trying too hard, but at least now you look less awkward.”
“If I don’t try at least that hard, I end up kissing ice,” Kaito snorted. “How am I supposed to get by on less than that, do you think?”
Saguru bit the inside of his cheek as he searched for the words to explain. Absentmindedly he played with the hem of Kaito’s shirt. “It’s like…when you’re in the water and you start to go under, you’ll only sink faster if you fight and thrash. The answer is to spread your arms out and float, letting the water support you. Right now, Kuroba, you’re fighting the ice. It’s like you don’t trust it, like you’re afraid that it’s going to split open and swallow you up. You need to stop being so tense. If you can just relax and stop overcorrecting, you’ll find things much easier.”
Kaito looked away, gently pulling his shirt hem out of Saguru’s fingers. “How do I know it’s not gonna break and swallow me?” he mumbled.
Saguru blinked, studying Kaito intently for a moment. Even though the question had been posed in a bit of a sarcastic tone, he detected the slightest hint of sincere fear in Kaito’s words.
“Even if it does break open,” Saguru gently assured, “I’ll be right there next to you, and I won’t let you sink. I’ll be there to protect you.”
Kaito turned back, meeting Saguru’s confident gaze. He raised an eyebrow and scoffed, “Am I supposed to swoon now and sigh, ‘My hero!’?”
Saguru smiled sheepishly. “I suppose not?”
Kaito shook his head. “What host club did you steal those lines from? Geez.”
“You’re one to talk what with the rot you spew as KID,” Saguru reminded the thief of his own tendencies.
“Point,” Kaito conceded. “But I don’t need to be protected, okay? …And if I do fall in and I’m not breathing when you pull me out, just let me die. If I get resuscitated and find out you gave me mouth to mouth, I’ll have to commit seppuku anyway, so don’t waste your time.”
“Noted,” Saguru sighed. “But shall we get back to practice now?”
Kaito shrugged indifferently as Hakuba gradually let go, allowing Kaito to attempt to balance on his own.
Saguru skated backwards a little ahead of Kaito, motioning for him to follow. “Remember what I told you. Relax and pretend that you’re rollerblading, Kuroba. Glide.”
Kaito slowly skated after Hakuba, trying to keep everything the blonde had said in mind while simultaneously attempting to shut out the other thoughts that had been plaguing him from youth.
“Use your core to balance, Kuroba, not your legs,” Saguru advised.
“You’re still trying too hard. Relax,” he gently coached several minutes later.
Praises of “Good job!”, “Nice, Kuroba”, and “Much better” were interspersed with critiques including “Don’t look at your feet so much” and “Just move your arms naturally” until almost an hour later Kaito was able to cautiously skate around the entire rink without wiping out.
“Excellent job!” Saguru cheered, clapping Kaito on the shoulder and then reflexively putting an arm out around Kaito’s waist to catch him when the clap knocked the magician off balance.
Steadying himself against the wall, Kaito bit his lip and looked back at his partner. It took him a minute to swallow his pride, but eventually he managed to mutter, “Thanks, Hakuba.”
“Don’t mention it,” Saguru waved Kaito’s thanks away. “I’m the one that almost knocked you over in the first place.”
“I meant…” Kaito looked down at his feet. “…for your time. I appreciate you being so patient and explaining things over and over. Thank you for working with me.”
Saguru smiled as he realized he was finally breaking through to Kaito and gaining ground. “You’re sincerely welcome, Kuroba.”
Kaito exited the rink and, without turning back, added over his shoulder, “And sorry for always being such a jerk to you all these years. I misjudged you.”
“Not a problem,” Saguru assured with a wide grin. He wished Kaito hadn’t turned his back towards Saguru, though. Saguru could see from behind how red the tips of Kaito’s ears were, and he would have liked to have caught a glimpse of Kaito’s carnation red face as he finally let go of his enormous pride and admitted he’d been wrong.
Back in the locker room as they were putting their shoes on, Saguru pulled out a tablet from his bag. “So, before we call it quits for the day, I’d like to show you a few clips to give you a better idea of what I have planned in the future once you’re more comfortable with the basics.”
Kaito scooted closer on the bench, holding his breath as the video loaded.
“This is Yu Xiaoyu and her partner Jin Yang several years back skating to a Phantom of the Opera medley,” Saguru explained, handing the tablet to Kaito. “Watch the lifts they do in the latter half in particular.”
Kaito nodded, his eyes widening as the skaters took off, executing beautiful footwork and jumps. “Geez,” he whispered. “I can’t do that.”
“Yet,” Saguru countered. “And don’t worry. We won’t be doing so many individual elements like side by side jumps and spins. We’ll mostly be sticking close together and preforming a lot of lifts and carries and pair spins. I also want to try—Oh. Watch this death spiral.”
“Death spiral?” Kaito gaped as he watched Jin Yang spin Xiaoyu around in a circle with her head less than a foot from the ice. “I can see why they would call it a death spiral, but why would they actually call it a death spiral? Isn’t that a little demoralizing?”
Saguru gave a little shrug. “Usually the woman’s body is closer to parallel with the ice than in this performance. I’ll show you some others at a later date, but you’re going to be able to do a death spiral before we’re done.”
Kaito scoffed at that, going back to concentrating on the routine on screen.
“That is a pair spin,” Saguru pointed out. “We’ll be doing a few of those. Don’t get me wrong, it’s far from easy, but at least I’ll be there to help guide you and keep your balance. Flexibility shouldn’t be an issue. I have no doubt in my mind that you’ll be able to reach back, grab your free skate, and draw it in towards your head.”
Kaito shrugged, standing up, balancing on one leg, and reaching back to pull his foot to his head like they had seen in the video. Coming out of the pose, he shrugged again, taking his seat. “Yeah. No, the whole balancing while on the ice part is the problem.”
“We’ll make it through somehow, Kuroba. It will just take a lot of practice. But watch this twist lift,” Saguru instructed as Jin Yang tossed Xiaoyu into the air and caught her after she had spun several times. He placed her back down backwards on one leg while her other arched gracefully behind her.
“Crap,” Kaito hissed. “You’re not gonna tell me you’re going to try to throw me in the air like that, are you?”
“Precisely,” Saguru chuckled, beaming. “Don’t worry. Keep in mind that the only problem in your case is the ice. Once I throw you into the air, all you have to do is hold your body in the correct position. You have an almost total mastery over your body, Kuroba. This will be a cinch for you.”
“What about the landing?” Kaito grumbled nervously. “There’s no way I can land on one foot and glide backwards while keeping the other leg up like that. I’m going to fall and break my nose.”
“The landing is assisted, Kuroba,” Saguru assured. “I’ll catch you and set you down gently. You just have to hold your leg up and look elegant. I assume you’ll be crossdressing for this event, so I don’t imagine that will be an issue.”
Kaito shrugged and turned back to the screen.
“Watch this next move. I want to try this too, if at all possible.”
“Hell no!” Kaito squeaked. “He threw her! There’s no way I’m letting you throw me through the air. I’ll break my ankle trying to land like that!”
“We’ll see. It’s definitely one of the more difficult moves I want to try with you, but… We’ll see how you do with the twist lift landing and everything, and then we’ll see if we can’t try a throw jump.”
Kaito sighed, feeling utterly overwhelmed. He brightened a bit, however, as Jin Yang lifted Xiaoyu over his head and she began to execute a series of acrobatic moves. “That,” He pointed to the screen triumphantly. “That, I can definitely do. Is that what you were talking about, Hakuba? Lifts?”
“That’s right,” the blonde affirmed.
Kaito frowned, having second thoughts. “Do you really think you’ll be able to hold me up and balance while you skate with me moving around in the air like that?”
“You’re not that heavy, Kuroba,” Saguru chuckled. “And I’m stronger than I look. Besides, we’ll practice and get it down.”
Kaito pursed his lips. “I don’t know about this, Hakuba. Some of those stunts look really dangerous. I have no idea what I’m doing, and I know I’m going to be too nervous to try because I’ll be worried about slashing your face open with my skates.”
Saguru snickered softly at this and tried to calm his partner. “It’s hard to imagine you of all people nervous about anything, but we’ll be practicing on tumbling mats for some time before I allow you anywhere near my head, spinning around with knives attached to your feet, Kuroba. Don’t stress about it so much.”
Kaito took a deep breath and nodded.
“Just worry about remembering everything we went over today,” Saguru advised as he packed up his tablet and skates. “And core work. I can tell you work out regularly, but I want you to pay special attention to building strength in your abs, back, and glutes as we train. That should help with your stability on ice. Tomorrow we’ll review skating forward and start working on skating backward.”
“If you say so,” Kaito sighed, still skeptical.
“That’s it. Keep coming, Just move your feet in and out like you’re making an S,” Saguru coached on day three as they reviewed skating backwards.
It was going more slowly than skating forwards had, and Saguru was having to remind himself often just to be patient as Kaito kept making the same mistakes.
“Bend your knees. You’ll only fall if you lock them,” Saguru repeated for the fifth time, seconds before Kaito came crashing down on the ice.
Saguru pursed his lips and mentally scolded himself, “Be supportive. He’ll only blow up at you and refuse to cooperate if you lose patience with him now. He is trying. He has to be trying.”
Hakuba skated over to Kaito’s side and offered his partner a hand up. “Are you all right, Kuroba?”
Kaito nodded, readily accepting assistance, no longer bothering to pretend he didn’t need Saguru’s help. “Sorry I keep screwing up. I’m just not with it today for some reason, but I’ll do better, so…” He got ready to try again.
“Hold on.” Saguru reached out, putting a hand on Kaito’s forearm. “Kuroba, your head always seems to be a mess, and it’s keeping you from doing your best. Would you care to tell me what’s going on? Maybe I could help somehow, because the way things are now, you’re still stiff and unnatural, and it almost seems like you’re afraid of the ice. How can I help you to relax? What can I do?”
Kaito bit his lip, hesitating for a moment before motioning Saguru to come off the ice and sit on the bench with him.
“If you laugh, I’m going to kill you and I’ll never tell you anything else ever again,” Kaito cautioned with a warning glare.
“Kuroba, friends don’t laugh at each other like that,” Saguru gently assured. “Feel free to tell me anything.”
Kaito looked down at his feet and took a deep breath. “You know how I’m afraid of f-fish?”
Saguru nodded.
“Well, it started when I was really little. I was with my dad, touring—I forget where, if it was Michigan or Canada or someplace—but I went out on the pond near where we were staying, and it must not have been very far into winter yet because the water hadn’t frozen over completely. I fell in, so…fish and ice and almost dying are all tied up in the same trauma for me,” he confessed, beginning to tremble at the memory. “So that’s why I can’t just chillax. Every time I go out on the ice, I start to panic because I remember the cold and the darkness, those slimy things all over me and my lungs burning as they filled with frigid water.”
Saguru placed a hand on Kaito’s shoulder, lightly massaging. “Then I have to commend you, Kuroba, for facing your fears every time you step out onto the ice. You’re incredibly brave, and I don’t know whether I’d be able to do the same thing in your shoes. You should be proud of how far you’ve come.”
Kaito leaned into Saguru’s touch, closing his eyes. “I still feel like an idiot, though. My head knows that the ice on a rink isn’t going to break on me, but my gut always whispers, ‘What if?’”
“You’re far from idiotic, despite what Aoko-san says,” Hakuba assured. “Everyone has something that’s hard for them to face. For me, it’s a fear that I’m unlovable and that everyone is going to abandon me. It doesn’t matter that our fears are a bit unreasonable; they’re still very real to us. And everyone has something like that, so no one has the right to give you trouble over it. Please try to remember that.”
Kaito opened one of his eyes into a slit to study Saguru’s expression. He opened his mouth to say something, but Saguru unintentionally cut him off as he put his other hand to work massaging, and Kaito closed his eyes once more with a weary sigh.
“But what can we do to get you relaxed enough to work through your fears?” Saguru hummed pensively.
“This is good,” Kaito mumbled, enjoying the light pressure. “And it helps when I can see you in front of me. I was able to do so well with skating forward the past two days because you were always there in front of me, so I felt a little more secure. Skating backwards has been so hard because no one’s there to reassure me, so I start to panic and retreat into my own thoughts…which aren’t very helpful.”
Saguru nodded. “It sounds like exposure therapy is our best bet, but until you get used to skating and subconsciously learn that you’re safe and that nothing bad is going to happen while you’re on the ice, I can make sure I’m always visible so you have something else to focus on. Would that help?”
“Can shoulder rubs become a regular thing too?” Kaito purred as Saguru’s fingers kneaded at stiff spot.
Saguru managed to hold in the laugh threatening to break through, but he couldn’t stop a smile from showing. “Of course. If it helps.”
“It helps,” Kaito affirmed, savoring the calm and pleasure Saguru’s hands evoked.
“Well then, how about I give you a nice back rub, and then we’ll head back out onto the ice for another twenty minutes or so and try you skating backwards while I skate forwards in front of you so that I’m in your line of vision? Then we can spend the rest of our time in the gym on the mats working on some lifts. I want to start practicing so we can begin to work them in once you’re comfortable with the basic elements.”
“Un,” Kaito responded absentmindedly, too wrapped up in the massage to fully process the plan at that moment.
“Good.” Saguru did allow himself a light chuckle this time. “And, Kuroba?”
“Hm?” Kaito lazily opened one eye.
“Thank you so much for having faith enough to share that with me.”
Kaito’s other eye opened, and he smiled sheepishly. “You’re the one who earned my trust."
...
Mikau: All right. One down. Probably three or four more to go. What did you think? Hopefully you liked it. ^.^; I'm going to try to get the other chapters up before the turn in period ends, but I've still got a lot of editing to do, and this week is going to be a bit of a "Hell Week" for my new project at the firm. I'll do my best to get it all up as soon as possible, though.