Spider's Disastrous Tea Party
Aug 4, 2015 0:02:08 GMT
Nikudou Natsumi, geekygenius, and 2 more like this
Post by rainbowcupcake on Aug 4, 2015 0:02:08 GMT
(unintentionally prompted by Natsumi's sister saying that she had a tea party with Spider - and this was born. Sillyness all the way, not beta'ed or edited or anything .. I can't tell if it's just bad or really bad)
„Whose idea was this?“ Gin growled while reaching for the tiara on his head. Vodka swatted his hand away.
“But, Aniki, it looks so cute!”
Vermouth sipped from her small tea cup silently, throwing amused glances at the assembled guests. Truly, it was a sight to behold. Whoever the genius mind behind it, the person should receive an award. Syndicate members from different branches sat crowded around the the miniature table, trying to fit themselves into chairs that were meant for children. All of them sported different accessoires – courtesy of their yet-to-be-revealed host. Gin had been given a terrific, sparkling silver tiara with diamonds and Vodka, seated next to him, was wearing a necklace in a matching style.
Vermouth herself had found ear rings in her inviation envelope, beautiful green emeralds encased in a swirling gold construction. They didn't match her dress at all, but the invitation had explicitly stated that guests should wear their gifts. So she did. She wasn't a sports spoil, after all.
Snake, sitting to her left, donned a whole assembly of bracelets that played a melody of chinks and tinkles every time he moved his arms. He'd been sitting very still for the last ten minutes, only moving his head and legs, a livid expression fixed on his face.
“I think it's time our host showed himself, isn't it?” she said and looked knowingly at the door. Said door opened to reveal a man with blond hair, dressed in a black suit, wearing a tiara, a necklace, ear rings and bracelets. Countless rings adorned his fingers, each one looking more expensive than the others.
“Spider?” Snake spluttered, his anger momentarily forgotten, and he jerked up, sounding like a wind chime.
“The one and only.” the blond man replied with a pleased smile. He crossed the room and took the only free seat.
If only looks could kill … as it was, three man reached for the guns that they'd left behind in a basket at the entrance. The only woman set her elbow down on the table and rested her head on her hand, fixing the host with a devilish grin.
“So, Spider – care to enlighten us about the true nature of this meeting?”
It was only natural of her to ask, after all, the invitations had been rather cryptic.
The man called Spider looked around the table, taking in the furious, annoyed and curious looks, and then gestured to the table.
“Isn't it obvious? It's a tea party.”
Gin snorted and fell back in his chair – expect that the poor thing wasn't built to withstand the force and weight of a grown man and it broke with a little crack and Gin found himself on the floor, looking as undignified as never before.
Vermouth broke into a girly giggle fit. In fact, she was soon laughing so hard that her own chair toppled over and there were two syndicate members down.
Spider looked between his guests – one on the verge of dying of asphyxiation, the other looking like he wanted nothing more than to kill somebody – and sighed inaudibly. This was not going as he'd planned. And he realized what was wrong. He'd forgotten about the stuffed animals.
As it was, what with them being part of a very busy crime organization and everything, only a few members had been able to attend. He'd decided to let the toys fill in the spots, but then he got a call from his niece and forgotten all about it.
But he remembered now and he walked over to the large closet in the corner and opened the double doors, releasing the wild herde of stuffed animals. And liquor bottles.
He grabbed an armful and began placing them around the table. A plush bottle of bourbon right between Vermouth and Gin, a cute, little wolf between Vodka and Gin. The monkey was placed next to Snake and the rum found a place right by Spider's side.
Looking over the scene again he nodded in satisfaction and sat down. Much better.
“Now that we're all here-” he began, but before he could finish, the door flew open and a little child burst in.
The young boy looked around wildly, his eyes behind the large, round glasses wide open.
“What is—but—you—and—why—what?” an incoherent string of words flew out of his mouth, and after a last glance around he slowly backtracked out of the room, not once letting his gaze waver from the equally stunned syndicate members. The door fell shut and Spider cleared his throat.
Why was everyone interrupting his nicely planned tea party?
“As I was saying-” he started over, but once again, he was interrupted. The new culprit? One of his guests.
“Cool guy, why don't you join us?” Vermouth called, loud enough to be heard on the other side of the door, where presumably the boy was still lingering.
“But he wasn't invited!” Spider protested. Vermouth clicked her tongue and shook her head.
“So what?” She raised her eyebrows in a challenge, daring him to object.
Hanging his head, the host sighed again. How much worse could this get? The answer to that...well...
The door opened again and Cool Guy entered the room once more, looking around again, albeit this time with curiosity instead of shock.
“Ano- I might have brought some friends. Is it okay if they join too?”
Cursing loudly, Spider rushed over to the door and poked his head into the hallway, looking left and right. There, FBI agents stood stock-still, flattened against the walls and crouched on the ground.
They all looked at him, trepidation evident among the whole group.
“Fine! Fine! Come all in! Nothing's going like I planned anyway. Why don't we invite the CIA too? And the local police as well? Why not?! It's not like anybody cares about my plans!”
Footsteps drew closer and the aforementioned CIA and police officers filed into the already crowded hallway.
Spider facepalmed, muttering profanities under his breath. Gin was trying to sneak off to retrieve his gun. Vodka trailed behind him half-heartedly and not doing a very good job at being sneaky.
Vermouth had remained in her seat through it all, sipping her now cold tea and looking for all the world as if she didn't care one bit. Maybe she didn't.
In the end, and to everyones disappointment, the tea party had to be canceled, because there just wasn't enough room for everyone. Not enough tea either. Such a tragic ending, Spider thought as he watched them leave. He'd planned every last detail and then it all went to hell.
Maybe next time.
„Whose idea was this?“ Gin growled while reaching for the tiara on his head. Vodka swatted his hand away.
“But, Aniki, it looks so cute!”
Vermouth sipped from her small tea cup silently, throwing amused glances at the assembled guests. Truly, it was a sight to behold. Whoever the genius mind behind it, the person should receive an award. Syndicate members from different branches sat crowded around the the miniature table, trying to fit themselves into chairs that were meant for children. All of them sported different accessoires – courtesy of their yet-to-be-revealed host. Gin had been given a terrific, sparkling silver tiara with diamonds and Vodka, seated next to him, was wearing a necklace in a matching style.
Vermouth herself had found ear rings in her inviation envelope, beautiful green emeralds encased in a swirling gold construction. They didn't match her dress at all, but the invitation had explicitly stated that guests should wear their gifts. So she did. She wasn't a sports spoil, after all.
Snake, sitting to her left, donned a whole assembly of bracelets that played a melody of chinks and tinkles every time he moved his arms. He'd been sitting very still for the last ten minutes, only moving his head and legs, a livid expression fixed on his face.
“I think it's time our host showed himself, isn't it?” she said and looked knowingly at the door. Said door opened to reveal a man with blond hair, dressed in a black suit, wearing a tiara, a necklace, ear rings and bracelets. Countless rings adorned his fingers, each one looking more expensive than the others.
“Spider?” Snake spluttered, his anger momentarily forgotten, and he jerked up, sounding like a wind chime.
“The one and only.” the blond man replied with a pleased smile. He crossed the room and took the only free seat.
If only looks could kill … as it was, three man reached for the guns that they'd left behind in a basket at the entrance. The only woman set her elbow down on the table and rested her head on her hand, fixing the host with a devilish grin.
“So, Spider – care to enlighten us about the true nature of this meeting?”
It was only natural of her to ask, after all, the invitations had been rather cryptic.
The man called Spider looked around the table, taking in the furious, annoyed and curious looks, and then gestured to the table.
“Isn't it obvious? It's a tea party.”
Gin snorted and fell back in his chair – expect that the poor thing wasn't built to withstand the force and weight of a grown man and it broke with a little crack and Gin found himself on the floor, looking as undignified as never before.
Vermouth broke into a girly giggle fit. In fact, she was soon laughing so hard that her own chair toppled over and there were two syndicate members down.
Spider looked between his guests – one on the verge of dying of asphyxiation, the other looking like he wanted nothing more than to kill somebody – and sighed inaudibly. This was not going as he'd planned. And he realized what was wrong. He'd forgotten about the stuffed animals.
As it was, what with them being part of a very busy crime organization and everything, only a few members had been able to attend. He'd decided to let the toys fill in the spots, but then he got a call from his niece and forgotten all about it.
But he remembered now and he walked over to the large closet in the corner and opened the double doors, releasing the wild herde of stuffed animals. And liquor bottles.
He grabbed an armful and began placing them around the table. A plush bottle of bourbon right between Vermouth and Gin, a cute, little wolf between Vodka and Gin. The monkey was placed next to Snake and the rum found a place right by Spider's side.
Looking over the scene again he nodded in satisfaction and sat down. Much better.
“Now that we're all here-” he began, but before he could finish, the door flew open and a little child burst in.
The young boy looked around wildly, his eyes behind the large, round glasses wide open.
“What is—but—you—and—why—what?” an incoherent string of words flew out of his mouth, and after a last glance around he slowly backtracked out of the room, not once letting his gaze waver from the equally stunned syndicate members. The door fell shut and Spider cleared his throat.
Why was everyone interrupting his nicely planned tea party?
“As I was saying-” he started over, but once again, he was interrupted. The new culprit? One of his guests.
“Cool guy, why don't you join us?” Vermouth called, loud enough to be heard on the other side of the door, where presumably the boy was still lingering.
“But he wasn't invited!” Spider protested. Vermouth clicked her tongue and shook her head.
“So what?” She raised her eyebrows in a challenge, daring him to object.
Hanging his head, the host sighed again. How much worse could this get? The answer to that...well...
The door opened again and Cool Guy entered the room once more, looking around again, albeit this time with curiosity instead of shock.
“Ano- I might have brought some friends. Is it okay if they join too?”
Cursing loudly, Spider rushed over to the door and poked his head into the hallway, looking left and right. There, FBI agents stood stock-still, flattened against the walls and crouched on the ground.
They all looked at him, trepidation evident among the whole group.
“Fine! Fine! Come all in! Nothing's going like I planned anyway. Why don't we invite the CIA too? And the local police as well? Why not?! It's not like anybody cares about my plans!”
Footsteps drew closer and the aforementioned CIA and police officers filed into the already crowded hallway.
Spider facepalmed, muttering profanities under his breath. Gin was trying to sneak off to retrieve his gun. Vodka trailed behind him half-heartedly and not doing a very good job at being sneaky.
Vermouth had remained in her seat through it all, sipping her now cold tea and looking for all the world as if she didn't care one bit. Maybe she didn't.
In the end, and to everyones disappointment, the tea party had to be canceled, because there just wasn't enough room for everyone. Not enough tea either. Such a tragic ending, Spider thought as he watched them leave. He'd planned every last detail and then it all went to hell.
Maybe next time.